The Small Boy and Big Man awards are the *unofficial* awards that everyone secretly wants to win.

There are few rules surrounding the annual Small Boy and Big Man awards:

  • All submissions must have been made in public, preferably during a presentation.
  • Any attendee may nominate someone for their indiscretions (Colin Pardoe: “we were going to write ‘oral indiscretions’, but we find that archaeologists by and large misinterpret the written word with alarming frequency”)

The Committee does not appear to be bound by any rules, guidelines or ethics statements.

2014 Tom Sapienza Twitter Trollop Trolling Award



Tom Sapienza – Twitter Trollop Trolling Award

To Tom Sapienza for heckling Peter Veth via twitter during the Tuesday flagship session – persistently and without Pete’s knowledge.

Pete tweet

Go here for full coverage.

Small Boys:

Phil Boot Transparency Award – Aaron Fogel

For having a power point presentation which had a blank slide for his Conclusions which he described as “probably the only blank slide at the conference”.

Peter Hiscock shady-ethnographic-analogy Award – Michael Slack

For saying he was going to go out to Jigalong to talk to the ‘old fellows’ to ask what they thought about his Pilbara mid-Holocene patterns…

My milkshake brings all the boys to the yard Award… – Bert Roberts

For saying – “Don’t do a Christopher Pyne on me, I’m not susceptible to chocolates and roses…”

Combined with the: Damn’ right, it’s better than yours! Award – Bert Roberts

For coming up with an ANZAC acronym to get his proposed ARC Center cluster over Christopher Pyne’s desk

Merkin aka Sharon Stone Award – Dale F. Simpson Jr.

For having “pubic interpretation” on one of his slides in his talk about using archaeology to educate children…

Lord Baelish Award – Mike Rowland

For introducing ‘Rub and Tug Massage Parlours’ into his talk; for suggesting that he knew nothing about these, but that, regardless of this, saying he wrote some policy documents for QLD Police investigating crime scenes

Gender Sensitivity Award – Paul Taçon

For interpreting one of his male Arnhem Land figures as ‘hen-pecked husband’ in his paper on women, style and power

eHarmony Desperate and Dateless Award – Mark Oxenham

For  saying he “didn’t want students, he just wanted dates”

(runners up: Tiina Manne, Matthew Spriggs, Robin Torrens or Bert Roberts for shameless touting for students in their various presentations)

Safe, sane and consensual – Hybridization Award – Mary Casey

For saying she wanted “us all to try to cross-fertilize and cross-discipline ourselves at this conference

Sheldon Cooper Award (for expertise in advanced remote sensing) – Matthew Spriggs

For referencing Wikipedia in his highly technical talk on LiDAR: we hope he brings more erudite learning to his Laureate programme

Legally Blonde Award – Paul Dirks

For using his chihuahua to help him interpret Hominin behaviour in the Cradle of Humankind… (possibly this is also why he believes hominids like it rough?! See Abstracts.)

Gollum – why does it have pocketses? Award – Michael Westaway

For Suggesting it is Good Curatorial Practice to “nestle one’s fossils in one’s trouser pocket for weeks…”

Penny … Knock, knock, knock … Penny… Knock, knock, knock … Penny Award – Penny Crook

Who has been held responsible for misspelling ‘Archaeology’ on the new ASHA logo

Phenomenological Phoenician Feather in Cap Award – Martin Porr

For saying that “Egyptians entered Australia through Cairns” while interpreting a map on hyper-diffusionism by Grafton Elliot Smith



Committee: Annie Ross, Jo McDonald and Alice Gorman